It's been awhile, but time to vent/blog!

Well, I don't even have a clue where to begin. So...I guess I'll start with Lexie.

~Even though it can't be seen, it is still very very real!~

LEXIE For at least two years something has been going on. From virus after virus, the flu, strep, severe back and body pain, joint and muscle pain, problem with the pressure in her eyes, sleeping excessively, unable to do normal every day activities. The list grows, the symptoms worsen and since we found out she does have Endometriosis - then having the surgery, it's really unraveled since.

We met with her doctor yesterday who does not believe in the "invisible disease", Fibromyalgia. Which runs in our family. She said it's "psychosomatic". It is so frustrating and I am starting to understand the walls and hurtles my sister has had to face in having to first convince those around her what she was going through before she could even get a little bit of relief. Sounds like we will be doing the same thing. She was placed on Hospital Home Bound yesterday, so hopefully that will help her school wise. She is an A/B student even after missing so much time in school, so she is beyond capable intellectually, but she can't make it physically.

It is a very helpless feeling when your child lays in bed and has tears running down her face from pain, and there is nothing in your power that you can do to make it all go away. Nothing to calm her, nothing to stop the hurt....


LYSSA has been home now two and a half weeks. She is really having a hard time with peer pressure, feeling less than, getting overwhelmed and trying to stay on track. Finding her a good psychiatrist is proving to be very difficult, but I am still searching. She is so beautiful and just doesn't see it.

Her Thyroid is all messed up again, so time to revisit that the Synthroid. (Medicine to help correct the problem) She has gained 50 pounds since the summer and we just need to get her back on track.


JAY is going through that Bi Polar swing again. (The weather is fixing to change) But we keep pushing forward. He stays really busy with Boy Scouts, and Granny Bob...so that is a good thing. He is doing well in school, and just reached his AR goal, too. Sounds and crowds are starting to bother him again, but hopefully we'll get through all of this. I addressed my concerns at his doctors appointment on Thursday and his doctor went completely off topic and said Jay was a "Normal, and very mature 12 year old" WHO THE HELL WAS HE LOOKING AT???? Ugh, I hate people that just look over us or through us. We are real, real things are going on, and I will NOT let people push my children aside.

Ok, that's a start for catching up. Now to remember to do this every day!

Take me away....

Another successful weekend. Whoa are we tired! What would I ever do without Dewayne. He is such a rock. Puts up with my grump, over-tired attitude, my spitting nails when I feel cornered, understanding I have to learn to be in a "healthy" relationship, because honestly...I never have been. The long rides, lots of talking and time together is sure helping him see the REAL me. God help him! But I see the real him too. We both have insecurities, faults, draw backs and amazingly humorous personalities, so if we can fight about it, we laugh about it :)

Lyssa was amazing, looked good, sounded good. Sad goodbye's, but they are never easy. Lots to look forward to and lots to work on. She was finally allowed to go outside and walk around with us but it was raining and so windy. YUCK! Hopefully next time it will be nice.

Planning is in the works for the next week, a busy week ahead at that. Lexie will be in a talent show on Friday. I can't wait to hear her sing! What a beautiful voice she has. I can't wait to hear her belt it! Church, going to visit Dewayne's Mom and sister (which I love doing!) and going to see one of my BFF's Tre! :) Yay, can't wait.

Not sure how all this will come about, but I know I have faith for it all to happen!

To new beginnings!

So much has happened, so much has changed. I don't even know where to begin. So I will just start from today!

I am in love. In love with a man who is completely in love with me and my children. How did this happen? How did we find each other? How can we completely relate to each other, laugh, have down time, snuggle and all the ups and downs with the kids and we are completely satisfied. I have to believe this is a God thing. A thing that God knew I needed in my life, but with a man that understands I have things to overcome and things to work on, and I needed a man with patience and a lot of love to give.

The kids are growing so fast. Lexie is 14! I still remember the day she was born like it was yesterday. What a beautiful young lady, a beautiful voice, and so much spirit in her heart. Lyssa is doing good, and growing and learning more and more day by day. Learning to love herself and trust in the right people. Jay is becoming such a young man. He has finally made his first friend. Someone who he loves to hang out with, play outside, play Xbox and is so proud of himself. And I am one proud Momma too!

So many plans in 2010! School for me and finishing with my certificate in Phlebotomy and building from there. A cruise in August with great friends. A trip up North on a train with the kids to see all the history and enjoy the sights with the kids. So much to look forward to, a man that loves me, loves my kids and loves sharing the good and the bad with us!

I will post more now that I have started again to keep everyone updated!

It's been forever!

It has been forever since I blogged. No excuses. I'll get back in the swing of things.
Quick re-cap!

I just celebrated my 32 birthday with the best parents, kids and my grandparents! 32 years. I think I'm finally learning too, and growing up! WOW, miracles really can happen.

Lexie is now in 8th grade, loving it! Great student, plays the Sax this year, choir and drama in church....I'm so proud of her!

Lyssa is still with her Daddy and I pray for her every night. She is a beautiful little girl, but needs so much more nurturing and guidance than she is getting.

Jay is doing great too. 4th grade and the weather is changing, so that means he is too! Lord help me. Together we will make it through all of this!

With Thanks...

Just some quotes I've found that I finally have a place for. Things I've read at some point that I have saved and has made me stop and think, and remember to be thankful for the good and bad, the doors open and shut, and all the people that have come in and out of my life for whatever reason! So to all of the amazing people in my life...this is for you! THANK YOU

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.
-- Albert Schweitzer

Difficulties are opportunities to better things; they are stepping stones to greater experience. Perhaps someday you will be thankful for some temporary failure in a particular direction. When one door closes, another always opens.
-- Author Unknown

Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you'll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you'll find that you have more of it.
-- Ralph Marston

None is more impoverished than the one who has no gratitude. Gratitude is a currency that we can mint for ourselves, and spend without fear of bankruptcy.
-- Fred De Witt Van Amburgh

It's Been A Hot Minute....

It's been a hot minute since I last blogged. I really need to be doing this more. What a great outlet for me, and for others to see what is going on when they feel like looking, reading or taking part in the action.

So much has happened since the last blog I left. I'm not even going to try and look back and catch up. Will just start anew from here.

I finished my last class today for this semester. Hallelujah! I walked out of English 1101 with an A! I'm so proud of myself. Plus I've found something I'm really passionate about. Not just a hobby or something to pass time, but something I am really driven to do- write! My professor was absolutely amazing. Dr. Marwitz. She opened my Pandora's Box and now it just keeps coming. Not only did I learn a lot this semester in her class, but what a healing process it has been. Personally, emotionally and educationally! Just amazing.

My babies stayed with their Dad this past weekend for the first time. Not an easy thing for me. However, they did have fun and came home with smiles on their faces. After all, he is their Dad. Just so hard to let go, especially considering the past. But as OUR new best friend says, "Don't look back, there is nothing you can change there." (Sarah Palin) While they were gone I had a weekend away from home. It was heavenly. I was completely spoiled rotten by a good friend, soaked in a bubble bath until it turned cold, had the most delicious seafood I've had in years, laughed like I haven't laughed in a long time (well, since the last time Mom spent the night) and got to relax! So thanks to my dear friend Mr. Buie, as well as, my parents for coming to my house to rescue Cassie (the boxer) so she could eat, go outside and let Mom chase her around the neighborhood.
That about catches up the main points. I'll be sure to keep up more....

....baby let's cruise, away from here. Don't be confused, the way is clear...."

Kick off to Summer!

Well, Lexie started off the summer with a bang, or should I say... TOUCHDOWN! She was playing football with some of the kids from the neighborhood and broke her growth plate in her two middle fingers on her left hand! Fun. She has a soft cast on it until the swelling goes down and then they will put a hard cast on it if they see she needs it. Always something. She had an amazing doctor in the emergency room so she didn't stress or freak out at all, which if you know Lexie- that is a HUGE thing. She is able to take the cast off to shower, but it really hurts her to not have it wrapped, so we end up putting it right back on. It is still swollen (four days later) and all shades of green and blue! She wears it in a sling when we are out and about to keep it elevated but when we are hanging around the house she just keeps it propped on a pillow! Always something interesting in our house! =)





Yay, we finally had our first trip to the beach this year! We had a blast. The sun, sand, shells and clear water were just a few of the highlights. We rode waves, splashed in the water and sat at the edge and collected treasure. We went with my friend Amanda, she is as big a beach lover as we are and hopefully we will get to go together a lot more over the summer. We also got to go see Amanda's house. It's HUGE and has so much character and charm. I love it and I am so happy for her and Tim. They have a lot of work ahead of them, but a cute place to call home.

**Here's to an awesome beginning to our summer**